Thanks to Jacqui, I have now started reading the "My Life is Average" snippets. And oh my lord, do I love them.
"A little while ago, I went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with my sister, mom, and dad. When the movie characters raised their wands at the end to remember Dumbledore, my dad slowly raised his drinking straw, and was followed by the entire filled IMAX theater. MLIA"
"Today, I was at the mall with my mom and little siblings. We were checking a map trying to find a new store, my little sister couldn't figure out where we were so I pointed out the "You Are Here" sticker. her eye's got really big, she looked around and said. "How do they know where we are?" I nearly peed my pants. MLIA."
"Today, I was going into my english class when I realised that somebody had written 'dumble' on the door. I was in a good mood for the rest of the day. MLIA"
"Today, I ordered burritos online to pick up at Freeb!rds. I put the order name under 'Voldemort' just for fun. When I got home to eat, I pulled out my burrito and it said 'He who must not be named' on top. I'm still smiling. MLIA"
"Today, I went to go get the rubber bands changed on my third set of braces. It was a new orthodontist, so when I told him I wanted red and gold, I was expecting him to say "McDonalds?" like the last three orthodontist I had. He looked at me with a straight face and said "Gryffindor?" I think I found my permanant orthodontist. MLIA"
"Today, the guy who sits in front of me fell asleep in class. I drew on the back of his neck and he never woke up. He walked around school for over 4 hours with "follow me to narnia" written across the back of his neck and never even questioned why people kept following him to class. MLIA"
"Today, my teacher asked us all to raise our right hands and repeat after her. She started to say "I solemnly swear." then waited for us to repeat it. We all repeated it, then every single kid in the class added "that I am up to no good." I still have no idea what she wanted us to swear in the first place. MLIA"
"The brand of tampons I use has cheesy inspirational sayings on the wrappers such as "the sky is the limit" and stuff like that. Today, I noticed one that said "Focus on the positive, at least now you know you're not pregnant." Thanks Playtex Sport, periods don't seem so bad anymore. MLIA"
"Today, I was in French class reading sentences and we had to guess what words meant. When the word la vérité came up, everyone was stumped, but I raised my hand and asked if it meant truth. It did. My teacher was so impressed that I had used context clues and english derivatives. Too bad I guessed based on 'veritaserum' from Harry Potter. MLIA"
"Two days ago on Halloween, a little boy dressed as a spork came trick-or-treating at my house. After giving him candy, I saw him run to his parents, who were dressed as a fork and a spoon. MLIA"
"Yesterday, I was handing out candy when a costumeless boy came up and wondering what he was, I asked. He looked at me with a straight face and said, ''I'm a serial killer. We look like everyone else.'' Easily made my night. MLIA"
"Yesterday, I saw a teenager dressed as a devil jump out to try and scare a kid dressed as a priest. Without skipping a beat, the priest smacked the devil with his bible, then chased him around screaming, "The power of Christ compels you!" MLIA"
"Yesterday while handing out candy to trick-or-treaters there was a knock on my door and when I opened it there was no one there. Just as I was about to close the door a saw a young boy dressed up as Edward Cullen walking up to my door. Then another boy dressed up as a police officer ran from behind him, tackled him to the ground, hand-cuffed him and brought him to my door and said, "You're welcome lady, this man is a highly wanted stalker." I gave them all my candy. MLIA. "
"Today for Halloween I dressed as Hermoine Granger. I was in walking down the street trick or treating when I ran into another person dressed as Hermoine Granger. As soon as she saw me she fell to the ground and moaned "Dumbledore warned me about what might happen with time-turners, I should have listened!" I love Halloween. MLIA"
"Today, I saw a man dressed in full Buddy costume from the movie "Elf." I stuck my head out my car window and yelled, "You're a cotton-headed ninnymuggins!" His gasp was audible from several feet away, and then he chased me down the sidewalk yelling, "I'm telling Santa!" I love college. MLIA."
"Tonight I was babysitting. I have been pretty upset about my recent break up with my ex byfriend. When the girl I was babysitting asked me why I looked so sad, I told her that I had just gone through a tough break up. She nodded and left the room. When she returned, she was holding The Sims video game and said "Let's kill him!" Made my night. MLIA"